Helpful Tips For Atlanta Braves Fans Healing From a Kelly Johnson Breakup
By Josh Brown
The day after a Kelly Johnson breakup is always the hardest for us Braves fans. If I have to explain it, then you’ll just never understand.
Yesterday, I tried to write an article to make myself feel better about the KJ breakup, but I woke up this morning in a sea of agony and heartache.
Kelly Johnson was a Baby Brave. The Baby Braves included Brian McCann, Jeff Francoeur, Blaine Boyer, and Kelly Johnson. All four came up together in 2005 and it was an exciting time to be alive. Obviously, not everyone’s career would pan out the same. McCann probably ended up being the most successful… although, I do question his offense and paycheck. I mean, you’re making that much money for the New York Yankees and hitting below .240? Please.
So, Kelly Johnson has been in our hearts since ’05. And Braves fans are all too familiar with losing their great loved one – Kelly Johnson.
Here are some helpful things to do after a Kelly Johnson breakup.
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- Avoid listening to any Harry Connick albums for a week or two.
- Get outside. Go for a hike, get in the sun, go sit by a lake and forget about Kelly Johnson
- Watch Ken Griffey Jr. videos on YouTube. This will help you forget about what a beautiful swing Kelly Johnson has. And maybe watch some Jim Thome videos, too.
- Think about that time when David Wright stole the Gold Glove from Chipper Jones. This will make you hate the New York Mets, therefore may have the effect of making your heart callous towards Kelly Johnson.
- Hang out with your dog. If you don’t have a dog, consider adopting one. I got a basset hound named Hank from the Cherokee Humane Society in Cedar Bluff, Alabama.
- STAY AWAY FROM ALL BILLY CRYSTAL MOVIES. It’s a well known fact that Billy Crystal is the only likable New York Mets fan, so having any type of exposure to his amazing personality could skew your judgement on the matter at hand and make you a confused Braves fan.
- Watch the MLB draft tonight. Braves have some delicious picks and could snag up some serious talent.
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I hope some of this helps. I’ll stop writing about Kelly Johnson now and move on.